The Last 10 Minutes

I committed to 30 minutes a day on my treadmill.
I don't know the speed, distance or calories burned.
My treadmill is kinda old and janky and the only stat I know is right is the timer.

But it seems easy enough, right?
Just get myself on that treadmill and walk for 30 minutes.

There are 48 30-minute increments in the day.
I just need to spend 1 of those 48 increments on the treadmill.

But today it wasn't easy.
The first 20 minutes were okay.
Well, maybe not.

The first 10 were fine.
The second 10 were slow as hell.

My feet seemed like cement blocks.
I was sweaty all over.
Breathing was heavy and difficult.

My brain started talking to me.

This is hard.
This is hard.
Just stop.
You already did 20 minutes, those last 10 won't make a difference.

At first I tried arguing with myself.
No, it's not hard.
It's easy.
You know what is hard - other people's lives.
People who don't have homes.
People who are sick.
People who can't walk.
People who are having to work hard jobs.
(Yes, I was ready with a dramatic list of other people's lives that are hard.)

Just walk 10 more minutes on the treadmill...in your basement.
It almost couldn't be easier.

But my brain persisted.
This is hard.
What difference does it make?
Who will know?

What if my brain is right?

What if it doesn't make a difference?
Honestly, I don't know for sure if those last 10 minutes are going to make a difference.

I've never lost this much weight.
I don't know how to do it.

I'm just trying this, but I don't know if it'll work.
Maybe it won't make a difference to my overall end goal of losing weight.

... and who will know?

I will.
I'll know that I didn't show up for myself fully today.
I'll know that I didn't do the full 30 minutes.

I want to be a person who says something - and means it.
I want my word to mean something.

I want to be a person who commits to do something, and I do it.
I want to be a person who can do hard things.

All this thinking took about 5 minutes.
So just 5 more minutes to go.

And still - it didn't seem easier.

For the last 5 minutes of today's 30-minute walk I kept repeating the same thing over and over.

I love my body
I want to feel good in my body.
I am making my body strong.

This is what I had to do to get through my 30-minute walk today.
It wasn't hard.
But my brain didn't want to keep going.
And today, I found a way to convince myself to keep going.

I don't know if this same convincing will work tomorrow or the next day.
Right now, I know that I completed Day 3 of walking 30 minutes.

And for today, that's enough.