I See My Life

New Year - New Goals!

In two days, I'm turning (pause to do some math...) 41.
I don't cringe when I say my age.
In fact, I'd wear it plastered on a t-shirt.
I'd carry around an "I'm 41" balloon all day (if that existed).

I love my birthdays.
I'll gladly turn another year older.
Because it is an opportunity to celebrate that I am here.

I am here and I am learning.
And growing.
And working.
And loving.

This decade is magical to me.
My children are grown/growing up.
This is such an exciting time in their lives.
They are taking steps towards their futures.

My husband and I are doing some soul searching.
Deciding what our lives post-raising children looks like.

And I'm making a lot of changes personally.

I'm eating healthier.
I'm moving more.
I'm constantly checking my thoughts.
I'm becoming more tolerant.
I'm thinking more positively.
I'm living more intentionally.
I'm forgiving.
I'm listening.
I'm being honest.

There isn't one catalyst to all this change.
It's been years in the making.

It was impacted by my car accident in 2010.
By my husband's hospitalization years ago and work accident last year.

It was affected when I had to make tough decisions regarding my extended family.
And when I had to figure out my career goals.

It has been altered by every conversation with my kids.
By every moment spent with and without my husband.

I am figuring out the person I'm going to be in the future.
And I become that person with every decision I make.

Some days I take a big step forward.
Some days I think I jump back.

But each day - each decision - each action is a move.
And a learning experience.

Maybe I'm learning how to do something new.
Or learning how to not do something.

Maybe I'm learning to speak kinder.
Or listen to understand.

Maybe I'm learning to enjoy vegetables.
And black coffee.

Or maybe I'm dreaming of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

But each decision I make
And each action I take in 41 is going to have a meaning.
And a purpose.

As I move into a new chapter of this beautiful life I've been blessed with.

I have a goal to be healthy.

Don't we all? amiright

I've tried so many different things throughout the years.
...walk every day
...keto
...smoothies
...counting calories
...Slim Fast

And the only thing I've accomplished has been losing a few pounds -
Then gaining it all back (and more!)

Have you been there, done that, too?

But Then I Made A List

I sat down one day and grabbed my notepad.

And I made a list.

I listed all the things about my body at my current weight that I don't like.

• I have too many chins.
• My clothes are all too tight and small.
• I get too sweaty in the creases of my belly.
• I get out of breath too easily.
• My belly sticks out too much.
• My big belly makes my chest look even smaller.
• Muffintop.

This.Is.Motivating.

I can tell you, it didn't feel good to come up with this list of things I dislike.
It felt like I was making all these negative feelings true.
Like I was focusing on negativity.

But do you wanna know the truth?

These thoughts go through my mind on a regular basis.
I was just getting them out of my head.
I was just putting them on paper so I can see them all.
But even better - I wanted to find a way to change these things.
I want to write them on paper and then fix them.

Then it was time to switch things up and get positive.

I wanted to think "big" and picture my ideal life.
What does my healthy life look like?

When I'm healthy I will -

• Fit all the clothes I pull out of my closet.
• Be able to exert energy without getting out of breath.
• Look more proportionate.

Honestly, I'm tired of pulling out a pair of jeans from my closet - just to have to toss it back in there because I can't pull the jeans up past my thighs.

I'm tired of having to find another shirt because the one I grabbed is too "constricting" around my stomach.

I'm tired of trying to come up with an outfit that looks the best and actually lets me breathe.

And I want energy.
More energy like I used to have.

We recently went on vacation to the beach - I got tired while walking the beach.
I got tired walking on the beautiful pier.

So instead of just focusing on the dolphins swimming in the ocean -
I was trying to catch my breath.

And that sucked!

I know I need to get in better shape.

How do I get there?

How do I get to the point where I am making choices to be healthier?

Thanks to Google..and Pinterest - I found Whole30.

Whole30 to the Rescue

I read all the rules of the Whole 30.

Wow. Overwhelming.

I wasn't sure that I could do it.

I've tried to lose weight before and given up.
What can I do to make it different this time?

I decided I needed more motivation.

I found a list of Whole 30 testimonials.
I made a list of areas of my health that I hope Whole30 will help change

1. Acid Reflux
2. Acne
3. Cholesterol
4. Circulation
5. Concentration
6. Energy level
7. PMS
8. Sleep
9. Weight loss

There are so many more Non Scale Victories (NSV) I could look forward to possibly achieving by sticking to the Whole 30.

Wow.

If I could complete the Whole 30 and see improvement on some of these conditions, it would be worth it.

On a whim I decided to change my life.

Starting October 1, I will be going Whole 30.

I'll post day-to-day Whole 30 entries.
It might not be inspiring but it will be honest.
I'll share my Whole30 results after I'm done.

Subscribe to My Whole 30 Updates

I'll send weekly email updates letting you know how I'm doing.
Sending you links to my Whole 30 content.
And even sending you newsletter exclusive Whole 30 info.

I don't know what's going to happen.
But I do know I'm going to work hard.
I am more motivated than ever to stick with this.

Here's to a healthy future ~

Crochet is a great option if you're looking to start a new hobby.

Why Crochet is A Great Hobby

You can start to crochet with minimal financial investment.
Crochet is easy to learn and you can quickly start and finish a project.
There are many online resources to help you learn.
Also, the tools needed for crochet can be found at many local big box store or craft store - so you can even start today!

What is Crochet?

Crochet is a needle craft where you use yarn and a hook to create loops to create various types of fabrics.

What Can I Create with Crochet?

With crochet you can create clothing, accessories and home projects.
You can crochet clothing like sweaters, tops and skirts.
Accessories can be crocheted such as hats, mittens, socks and scarves.
Popular crochet home decor projects range from washcloths and coasters to blankets and toys.

What Supplies Do I Need to Crochet?

You only need two things to crochet - a crochet hook and some sort of fiber to work with.
Usually people use yarn.
But you could use anything from thin threads or string to thicker fibers like rope or ripped fabric.

Beyond just a hook and yarn -
You could use a pattern, accessories and a bag to keep it all together.

Where Can I Learn to Crochet?

There are so many different ways to learn how to crochet.
So take into consideration how you learn to decide what will work best for you.

• Books
• Online videos
• Online classes
• Ebooks (Here are some free kindle books)
• Websites
• In-person craft store

What Should My First Crochet Project Be?

I would suggest starting with a project that meets the following:

• Something small so it can be completed quickly.
• A project that is not fitted (AKA not a garment).
• Something using Aran or worsted-weight yarn (Size 4)
• Something with basic crochet stitches

Crochet Concerns

When it comes to crochet, there are some things to be aware of.

• Carpal Tunnel Syndrome
• Posture when sitting
• Eye strain
• Sedentary Activity

Benefits of Crochet

There are many benefits to crochet, knitting and other hobbies.

Just a few of them include:
• Practice mindfullness
• Exercise your hand
• Reduce stress/anxiety
• Charity

Crochet v. Knitting

The fabric created with crochet is different from fabric created by knitting.

Also, knitting uses two needles - crochet uses one hook.

Otherwise, you can use the same type of fiber and you can create the same type of finished product.

Taking Crochet Beyond the Basics

There are hundreds of different crochet stitches.

(I've seen a book showing 500 crochet stitch patterns!)
Personally, I probably know about 5...maybe 10 different stitches.

By learning new crochet stitches you can create different types of fabrics.
New crochet stitches = new look.

You can also use crochet to decorate other garments and projects.
Add a crochet border to a knit blanket.
Crochet a trim to a sewn garment.

Crochet Inspiration

There are two great online resources for crochet projects:
Ravelry and Pinterest.
(Oh, Etsy, too)

These three websites can keep you inspired for a while!

In conclusion...

Crochet is a hobby that is easy to start.

There are many different resources to use to learn how to crochet.
Just knowing a couple techniques allows you to start and complete a project.

There are some issues to consider when you are crocheting.
There are also some benefits to both your health and mental health.

Overall, crochet is a great hobby to consider when you want to slow down and relax.

My kids have always been well behaved.
For the most part.

We'd go out to eat and they'd sit at the table the whole time.

We'd go out to watch a game and they'd sit by me and play with their toys.

When they would start to misbehave - I'd redirect them.
And they would listen.

Teachers and other adults agreed.
My children were well-behaved kids.

Until the one day, when it all seemed to fall apart.
It was like somebody flipped a switch.
I remember the moment so clearly.

We were shopping at Target.
We were in the cereal aisle.

My daughter is standing in front of a box of cereal.
Just standing quietly.

Staring at a box of cereal.

We were at the end of the aisle ready to turn to the next one.
I look back at her standing there.
"Come on."
"Come on, let's go."
"What are you doing? Let's go."

She stays there.
She is just staring at the box of cereal.

I walk back towards her.
And there - in the middle of the cereal aisle at Target -
There stands my little first grader with a look of panic on her face

And tears rolling down her cheeks.

I get down on my knees next to her.
I put my hands on her shoulders.

"What's wrong?  Why are you crying?"

Silence.

I turn her body towards me.
Her eyes are still glued to the cereal box.

"What's wrong?  Look at me?"

Her eyes, swollen from crying, turn to me.

"I don't know."
"I have to read it all."

"I have to read all the words on the box."

That one sentence changed everything.

In that moment, I knew something happened.
There was something causing my daughter to feel this way.
She wasn't trying to ignore me.
She wasn't trying to misbehave.

Between the tears, the look of panic on her face and the anguish in her voice, I knew something was wrong.

Google to the Rescue

After grabbing the box of cereal to let her finishing reading, I quickly checked out.
I came home and immediately turned to Google.

Usually, Google is the least reliable option for medical advice.
All too often Google suggests I have every illness ranging from a headache to cancer.

But for this situation, Google was my first place to turn.
I didn't know what this was.
I didn't even know how to explain it to even ask for help.

Do I say, "My daughter was crying because she needs to read?"

Through my Google search, I found what turned out to be the reason for this.

PANDAS

What is PANDAS?

PANDAS stands for Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal infections.

Basically, it is OCD that appears suddenly in children following a strep infection.

She met all the criteria.

• I had recently had strep so it's very possible she was also infected.
• She had some previous OCD tendencies.
• The onset was sudden.
• She was also moody, irritable, clingy which I thought were tied to being sick.

Asking For Help When I Didn't Know What To Do

Assuming my daughter had PANDAS, I still didn't know what to do or how to help her.

When I had a chance, I made an appointment to speak with the therapist/counselor at her school.

The counselor didn't have experience with PANDAS, but she did refer me to a psychologist who specializes in working with children in this area.

The psychologist saw our daughter a few times.
She was incredibly helpful.
PANDAS does gradually improve.
As it started to improve and our daughter now had tools to help with her OCD and anxiety, we didn't continue the therapy.

Why Asking For Help Was The Best Thing to Do

OCD and anxiety does not get fixed.
My daughter will have to deal with both for the rest of her life.

But by asking for help I accomplished a few important things.

1. I showed my children it is okay to ask for help.
   There is no shame in saying, "I can't do this all by myself.  I need help."
2. I received professional confirmation of the problem.
   It was just me taking Google's word.
   I had an educated professional diagnose what was wrong.
   There wasn't any second guessing.
3. My daughter was armed with tools for her success.
   She was given various suggestions to help her out.
   She was able to take back some control in a situation where she felt out of control.
4. We were made aware of possible struggles.
   This one was big for me.
   The therapist informed us of what to look for in the future.
   How to help lessen her anxiety.
   We know to look out for high-stress situations which might trigger OCD tendencies.
   We are also prepared that as she goes through hormonal changes, she may see her OCD or anxiety exacerbated.

I will never regret reaching out for help.
It was one of the best parenting decisions I've ever made.

For more information on PANDAS

Here are some helpful links to information regarding PANDAS:

• National Institute of Mental Health
• International OCD Foundation
• PANDAS Network