I Am the Kind of Twitterer the Experts Warned You About

Around every corner there is a “Twitter Expert”.
They spout off their knowledge about how to use Twitter, how to get a bajillion followers in 25 seconds and preach their Twitter rules and etiquette.

Well, I am here to tell you that I am just the kind of Twitter the experts warned you about.
I am the kind of Twitterer they warn you not to follow.
I am the kind of Twitterer they warn you not to be.

10 Ways In Which I Am “That” Kind of Twitterer

1. I Don’t Have A Clear Purpose
I tweet about a whole range of subjects.
Children and husband.
Work.
Twilight.
Sports.
Things that piss me off.
Things that amuse me.
Good Twitterers have a clear focus, I like to blur the lines.

2. I Blip Songs
Blip is a website where you can listen to full length songs and add them to your Blip Playlist.
When you “Blip” a song it sends a Tweet with a link to the particular song.
I love sharing songs especially in the evening when I’m reminiscing songs of yesteryear.
Good Twitterers know people don’t want all your song links, I like to ignore what I know.

3. I Have Tweet Droughts
I’ve gone days without using Twitter.
I leave without warning or explanation.
It’s like I’ve fallen off the face of the Earth.
Then I reappear without any good excuse or at least a made up lame excuse.
Good Twitterers are consistent, the only thing consistent about me is my inconsistency.

4. I Have Tweet Floods
When I’m bored or when I’m up late at night I get Twitter happy.
I Tweet almost 100 times an hour!
Maybe I should add that I exaggerate!
Good Twitterers don’t hog their followers real estate, I like hogs – snort, snort.

5. I Use Twitter For Chatting or IM’ing
Sometimes I get into drawn out conversations with other Twitterers.
These look like nonsense one-sided conversations to my followers.
Good Twitterers take this crap private, I like to do it in public.

6. I Follow or I Don’t
I don’t auto follow.
I also don’t unfollow just because you don’t follow me back.
As long as you’re interesting I’ll follow and keep you around.
Good Twitterers keep their numbers in check, I leave the numbers work to the smarty pants.

7. I Am Not Offended If You Unfollow
I KNOW that I am not everybody’s cup of tea.
I don’t mind if you unfollow.
I don’t need to find out why you unfollowed.
I’d rather create my own comical reason for the fluctuating follower numbers.
Good Twitterers keep an eye on why people choose to unfollow, I leave it up to my imagination.

8. I Use Inappropriate Language
My tweets sometimes include words such as:
Hell
Damn
Frickin or F-ing
Breast
Penis
Good Twitterers keep it clean, Hell, I don’t give a damn what I frickin’ tweet. Breast. Penis.

9. I Talk About Inappropriate Subjects
The appeal of hot guys like Rob Pattinson and Paul Walker can get out of hand.
My sexual innuendos can get a little crazy.
Talk about alcohol (especially as much as I don’t drink) can be too much.
Good Twitterers keep it professional, yeah, I drink while making sexual innuendos about hot guys.

10. I Don’t Filter
As my Twitter profile states:
I think it
I tweet it
I don’t candy coat it.
I don’t try to be somebody other than who I am.

There you go.